♥/` 12Jan2009.0531am;

Watching the movie; I Miss You, really brings me back alot of memories.

I'd been diverting my attention to work & everything.

Even trying out a new relationship; putting down the past.

But I know clearly that, I cant get over you. Forever.

Nevertheless, I know it's not impossible; but I just cant.

The hurt that you caused by leaving me like this, is really unbearable.

Just like watching the movie today; brings me back all the pain & memories.

Of how I'm going through badly that 2years.

It's been 3 fucking years now.

In a few months time; it's going to be 4years that you'd left me on this world handling all this shits.

The loss of you; the loss of one guy; the loss of one friend; the loss of one son.

THE LOSS OF ONE LIFE JUST IN MY HANDS OR WORDS.

How I watch you die, How I hug you & begging you to come back, How helpless am I!

I'm not blaming you, I'm just blaming myself so fucking bad now.

After so long, the pain is still hurting so bad.

& today, right now; it hurt so bad.

I thought I'd let you go, but I'm wrong.

The ring that I've kept so long, is gone for a reason.

& I always tell myself you won't want to see me this way.

Even having a new boyfriend is not going to help, cause he cant even replace you.

Or maybe I'm just expecting too much; or I'm wishing to find another you.

I'll always think of this blog whenever I miss you. Cause I always wished that you could read it somewhere. Thou it might sounds so foolish. Even in heaven or just somewhere near me seeing me type all this.

I know you wouldn't come back anymore. I'd face the fact long ago.

From up above, you'd seen me how I lead my life during all this years. I cant be selfish to be even thinking of to die. & yet sometimes I felt so terrible that I feel like dying just to join you.

Tough times had gone by, but memories of us and that incident will never be erased from my mind.

& the guilt & regrets will never be gone.

I'm really sorry............

Wish for the impossible, waiting for a miracle to happen.

Even just for a dream, I'm contented enough.

I'll be strong, & I just haven't find the right guy yet.

Maybe till the day I can move on, & I'll bring the guy to see you :)

For now, I miss you and I love you from the bottom of my heart. xoxo