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 我不知道我需要多长的时间才可以真正的把你忘记，我不知道我还是否有想你的勇气。但是，我知道我的这份爱，这份心痛，将会陪伴我一段很长很长的日子。 Easy&Simple. With♥, SERINE. NGMINFEI 谢谢你给我的一切 . Always had a place in my heart♥ |
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'studies&exams!- hais.
Monday, March 2, 2009 baby. here to update my blog again. i can go home alreadys. & i've talk things out with my mum. but i hope she really understands what i want. & i've done ur memorial video just now during my free time. it's at your section(: '12JAN09' recently. what exactly is my mind thinking? till now, i still couldnt think through what i really wants. todays; i'll guess i've disappointed my dear friends whom went to study at tamp mart mac today. i apologise for nt being self-disciplined; but there's reason behind it. i did say that im not feeling well in the morning. i knows exams coming. & i've missed alot of lessons in the past. & knows that u all have the intention of helping me. but i did really appreciate it. though i might sound like i dont care about myself & my studies. but i really did self-study when im at home. seriously. im tiring of explaining the reasons already. im sick today. & i just got home yesterday midnights. & it's till morning 5plus then i could sleep. i know it's may sounds like all is excuses. but it's de fact. is ur decision whether to believe or not. im trying hard to catch up with studies already. it's left a week to exams. i knows. i mean if i dont care & dont wish to study. why should i bother to msg qin to ask her what time you all finished studying? & i wouldnt bother to go join u all in the first place isnt it? i would wanted to join. but it's already 4pm when u all called. & there's a phone communication problems. & it's my own fault too; that i never make a effort down. i dont wish cause of this; create a conflict or quarrel. we're already graduating. i dont wish too see a commotion agains. whether to study or not. it's my responsibility. & i appreciate your intentions of helping me. yes; i really need all of your help. as i really don't know some of the topics. hope you all understands why i didnt went todays. if not; then is alrights. i've drifted apart from u guys. since that period; i didnt went to school. it's not that i don't want to listen to u all de advice. but sometimes. i just cant bear to do it. or maybe i cant do it. thanks for standing by me & came to visit me. when i really need someone there. & giving me advice. telling me what to do. in the past, is due to pure lazyness that i dont want to get to school. & i know. it's my fault then. just wanted to say thanks. to those who really cared for me. & i know who they are. 谢谢你们。 as for towards mama. i've say this umpteem times already; i know actions speak louder than words. but sometimes; i just wished you could be there as a understanding mum. & not using vulgarities & hurtful words to scold us. u're not always at home. & to the worst, i maybe could only get to see you once in a week. isnt that pathetic? sometimes; i know im useless. after that incident; i've been dragging my days as in. '走一步算一步' & coping myself at home. not going to school etc. or go to other place & never want to come home~ it's not that im having fun. it's just that i've accompany at there. at least i wont think so much when im outside with friends. but i just want you to understands why. at home; there's nobody i could rely on when i need someone to talk. kakak also have her problems to settle. & i couldnt want to add on to her burden. hope after this, we could communicate better. or else, im going to be the next one who'll breakdown. & for the girls. i hope u all really could understand what i mean. seriously; i really didnt have the mood to do anything now. in my mind, it's just BLANK. im tired. im stress. hais. shall update till here. moodless to update further on. dearest; i miss you & how i wished you're here. maybe if u're not gone. everythings wont turn out to be like this. & i wont be so heartache bahs. hahas. even if i wanted to be independent? is it so easy as it seems. i dont think so for my case. frankly, im afraid of loneliness & being alone. but i've to get used to it, isnt it? i cant rely on anybody or i wouldnt want toos. it takes time bahs. i used to have you by my side. my mood now really~ sank to the bottom bahs. hais. forget it bahs. just leave it then. really wished that tat incident never happen at all. ;( |
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